There are two kinds of mindsets and two kinds of work ethics. Most people live somewhere within these four combinations.

You think it’s deep and you work hard.

You think it’s deep and you don’t work hard.

You think it’s not that deep and you work hard.

You think it’s not that deep and you don’t work hard.

Four ways to move through the world, but I’d argue only one is healthy: you think it’s not that deep and you work hard.

The mindset protects you: it shields you from suffering when things don’t go your way. The work ethic sets you up for success: trying your best gives you the most opportunities.

I’ve met people who live in all of these categories, and I’m sure that anyone reading this can probably see themselves in one of them too. But I think that trying your best without inflating the stakes is the best way to go about life.

Our worth was never meant to be defined by the results: the acceptances and rejections, the school we attend, or the job offers lined up in our inbox. We are worth more than all that.

So then why work hard at all you may ask? I think the answer is this: you work for yourself. If you work to get into that college, you’re working for an external validator. But when you work for yourself, you work to build your character: to become a stronger version of yourself, a more disciplined person than you were yesterday.

For a long time, I used to work for others: to make my parents proud, to provide for my future family, to impress my friends. But that path only leads to anxiety since there will come a time when I disappoint those that I love. 

Instead, I want to work to become the best version of myself, so at the end of a long day when I’m tired and worn out, I can go to bed knowing I didn’t waste this life. 

That’s the argument for working hard. But a common trend I’ve noticed is that when successes happen, I start viewing disappointments and failures as personal attacks. I become anxious about losing my accomplishments, terrified of returning back to the failure I once was. And that’s when I start thinking it’s more deep than it is.

So how do you work hard without thinking it’s that deep? I think the answer is to stop attaching your identity to the outcome and start putting it in your effort.

The moment getting into that college or job becomes your source of worth, it becomes too deep. But when it’s just another tool for your growth, that’s when it loses its power.

If going to Princeton proves that I mattered, then if my diploma were to disappear, I do too. But if my character and effort is proof that I matter, then I’ll still be standing right here if the results were to ever fall flat.

I’m trying to realize the real question in life isn’t “What can I get out of this?” It’s “Who am I becoming because of this?” 

That’s when failure stops threatening my identity and starts guiding my next move. Rather than being apathetic to setbacks, I need to detach my setbacks from my ego.

To work hard without demanding the result, give your best effort without needing external validation, to try your best while accepting that life owes you nothing.

Because in the end, it’s just not that deep. It’s just life asking me to show up.