So I’ve recently been asking all of my close friends the question: “What is one of my major flaws and what should I do to change for the better?” It’s a delicate question of course, I make sure to give my friends the full chance to be completely honest with me and I let them know that I will not be offended by anything they say. And honestly from hearing their responses, I’ve seriously begun to think about how I am supposed to go about changing the ways I act for the better. However, at the same time, it’s common for us to hear the advice to “never change” and to “be who you are.” 

And this is what I wanted to make this blog post about… how I’m supposed to improve my actions, words, and thoughts for the better while at the same time, maintaining my sense of self and being Jonathan. 

One of the responses that I have got so far to my question is “to be comfortable with silence;” one of my friends told me that he felt that a lot of the time, the things I say are just words intended to fill in empty spaces and that I should embrace silence more often. This is honestly completely true, I feel awkward in silence and I would rather ask the most stupid, out of pocket question rather than having a silent moment in a conversation. Another critique was “to know where the line is when I make jokes.” This friend explained that sometimes, the things I say sometimes cross the line for her and that I need to learn to tone it down at times. This is another extremely fair point, I do make pretty unhinged jokes and I do think that it’s necessary for me to learn where to draw the line for that. 

And while flaws like these are helpful for me to know, I’m aware it’s also important for me to maintain my sense of self and continue being who I am and not become the person that someone else wants me to be. For example, one of the answers I got was to “stop acting so bubbly all the time.” In other words, my friend was commenting on the way I text, the way I laugh, the pitch of my voice, the way I say hi to people, and basically the entire vibe which makes me who I am. And although I do see how my friend has a point in that I don’t act how typical men in today’s society act and I agree that acting more “masculine” would solve a lot of the issues I am facing right now, this critque is essentially telling me to stop being Jonathan. It would take way too much effort out of me to attempt to change the tone of my voice and the way I laugh since those things are simply a part of who I am as a person. 

Which brings me to a question that I’ve been pondering recently: how do I know what advice to incorporate into my life and what advice would I shrug off to continue being myself? For example, when I make my “unhinged” jokes, some of my friends are comfortable with it while others are not. So the “line” that I should avoid crossing is different for every single friend that I make and every person I meet. How am I supposed to know how to avoid crossing the line when the line is always changing? At a certain point, should I just continue making the jokes that I enjoy and only surround myself with people with the same humor as me? Or do I tone myself down so that I can interact with a wide variety of people with different backgrounds, interests, and humor to make myself a more well-rounded person? It’s a difficult thing to know exactly how to act in each situation.

Honestly though, keeping in mind my friend’s critiques have made me much more aware of my actions and words. Oftentimes before sending an unhinged instagram reel, I start to seriously begin thinking about how this reel will be received by the person I send it to whereas a year ago, I would basically send anything that I laughed at. But I’m still trying to piece together if this is a good thing or not… instagram reels shouldn’t be too deep… if my friends receive them wrong, then is that a me problem or a them problem? Is it my fault for making them uncomfortable, or is it theirs for being too soft? 

I guess this is just something for me to keep in mind as I continue meeting more people, continue deepening my relationships with others, and continue this journey that we call life hehe. 

Hope you all stay swaggy and cool and enjoy summer 🙂