So today officially marked the first day of the spring semester here at Princeton, and I am really happy to say that I feel extremely ready to take it on. If I’m going to be honest, the past 7 months have a really hard season of my life.

Personally, I am not too great with change and so starting college hit me like a truck. I find comfort in familiarity: I love my home friends, I love my house, I love Syosset, I love the shoprite next to my house, and I love my family. So starting college was by far the biggest change that I have ever experienced in my entire life because everything that I had once known vanished in an instant. The longest that I had been away from home before this was a week-long mission trip to Staten Island in 9th grade, but even then, I was still surrounded by familiar faces from my church and friends. No one could have prepared me for the drastic change that I would be facing in college, and I guess that has to do with my sheltered upbringing in a neighborhood like Syosset. My parents had protected me from the outside world so much growing up that when I finally “left the nest” and went out into the world on my own, I was slapped pretty hard by reality. Honestly I was so unprepared for starting college emotionally, socially, physically, academically, mentally, or any other “lly” that you can think of. And I guess this was a “trial by fire” sort of experience but I think that I would have liked a little bit more preparation throughout my childhood for the real world. However, after spending my first semester here at Princeton, I have made friends, joined clubs, and think I am more than ready to tackle the classes here again. Princeton is not unknown for me anymore: I am glad to say I can find comfort here now in this place. 

Earlier on the semester, I had falling outs with a few people who were really close to me and that really affected my mental health. Although I tended to be the person who stepped away first, that didn’t mean it hurt any less. When you really care for another person and want to be in their life, it’s a really hard choice to step away. And learning how to forgive someone after they really hurt you is such a hard thing to do. It’s easy to say “I forgive you” with your words, but to truly mean it in your heart and wish them the best even after everything they did to you is so difficult. It’s just human nature to wish the best for the people who support you, and to be angry with the people who tear you down. But staying angry and refusing to forgive hurts no one except for yourself. And even though I am not 100% at that level where I completely forgive the people who hurt me, I am doing my best to get there. But I am constantly learning, constantly improving, and I’m proud to say that I can wish my them the best of luck in everything that is coming in their life. 

Just from being aware of my personality, I think I tend towards being a people pleaser. When I am hanging out with people I really care about, the thing that brings me the most joy is seeing them happy. Personally, the best feeling in the world is when I can make the people I like genuinely smile. I could care less about the particular activity. I think I find joy in spending time with people who actually want to spend time with me. But at the same time, I also tend to get really hurt when I realize that the people who I care about do not enjoy being around me. I lose all of my self-confidence/self-worth and humiliate myself trying to be someone that they approve of. And this is extremely damaging… And this is not to say that the other person is a bad individual in any way. They have the complete freedom to be friends with who they want to, and they have absolutely no obligation to me whatsoever. I hurt myself by getting too attached and basically disrespecting myself trying to get their approval. However, coming back home after the first semester and seeing how enthusiastic people were about grabbing food with me really boosted my confidence in myself again. I’m so thankful for all of my home friends who are always there for me every step of the way and are always willing to be happy to see me. 

But yeah! That’s about it for today’s blog post. I am super excited to see how far I come in this upcoming semester and what new adventures life has in store for me. I’ll hopefully continue to update this blog with more life updates and such!